I, for one, found this very helpful - particularly the bit on “Pleasure-seeking seems pointless without shared purpose”. This will help me explain to people I’m not just being a Scrooge 😊
And I would love to be more elegant in naming and nudging when things are suboptimal - eg someone coming in to a conversation without any sense of what might have been happening before their arrival.
Nice thoughts here, thanks Richard, and for the open question! My sense is that it isn't just you, but that (as you hint) you have a more sharply honed awareness of these matters. I share your preferences. Being perhaps not so socially skilled, I would add that I really appreciate being nudged to be aware of significant features of the social landscape that I may have overlooked. And thus, not to have my own variety of neurodiversity mistaken for bad intent. I am very grateful when people recognise my good intent behind what might be social ineptitude.
Great piece Richard. Thanks for sharing. "If you order expectations for dinner you typically get disappointment for dessert" is wonderful, memorable and actionable!
Thanks for this, Rich, it's a post I'll find myself returning to. Like David Beasley, I did find myself wondering about the role of cultural norms in all of this. And having been in Sweden a long time, I couldn't help thinking of Richard D Lewis's charts of conversation processes in different cultures, where this country is a visible outlier, even compared to our Nordic neighbours:
Hello! Yes this absolutely makes sense, especially for someone who is a rule-seeker (to the point of neurosis) by nature, giving structure to something as potentially esoteric as 'having a good time' is an incredible feat & a powerful way to create & protect value for yourself & others, I relished reading this, thank you.
I really resonate with what you've written. I like the fact that rather than telling us all about what you did NOT like about the Swedish festival, you've skilfully expressed yourself in terms of the behaviours you DO prefer. The thing that I'm pondering, though, is to what extent do the cultural norms of a society impact the kind of group behaviour you describe? I suspect it could be quite a lot, but that's not to say that there wont be huge variation between individuals even within the same society. What interests me is what can people do to move towards a more harmonious style of group interaction (if they cant make it to your camp in Vienna)? What existing groups embody this ideal? Two spring to mind. Firstly there's the Quakers, and secondly there's the community of people practising Nonviolent Communication. Can anyone suggest others?
Ive also just left borderland so it's interesting to read from a fellow soul who was there!
I resonate with the sentiment that pleasure for its own sake seems pointless.
I found myself, after being there the second year, not really drawn to the idea of going back.
There were not enough interactions that seemed truly enriching... It's something I feel I'm always looking for at burns but somehow the social container doesn't quite allow for depth.
Wow such highlighting and explicating of dramatically unspoken social dynamics, I’m very drawn to this type of work. How do I join the micro solidarity network or learn more from you?
I, for one, found this very helpful - particularly the bit on “Pleasure-seeking seems pointless without shared purpose”. This will help me explain to people I’m not just being a Scrooge 😊
And I would love to be more elegant in naming and nudging when things are suboptimal - eg someone coming in to a conversation without any sense of what might have been happening before their arrival.
Nice thoughts here, thanks Richard, and for the open question! My sense is that it isn't just you, but that (as you hint) you have a more sharply honed awareness of these matters. I share your preferences. Being perhaps not so socially skilled, I would add that I really appreciate being nudged to be aware of significant features of the social landscape that I may have overlooked. And thus, not to have my own variety of neurodiversity mistaken for bad intent. I am very grateful when people recognise my good intent behind what might be social ineptitude.
Great piece Richard. Thanks for sharing. "If you order expectations for dinner you typically get disappointment for dessert" is wonderful, memorable and actionable!
Thanks for this, Rich, it's a post I'll find myself returning to. Like David Beasley, I did find myself wondering about the role of cultural norms in all of this. And having been in Sweden a long time, I couldn't help thinking of Richard D Lewis's charts of conversation processes in different cultures, where this country is a visible outlier, even compared to our Nordic neighbours:
https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2016/09/these-charts-show-you-how-to-negotiate-around-the-world/
Hello! Yes this absolutely makes sense, especially for someone who is a rule-seeker (to the point of neurosis) by nature, giving structure to something as potentially esoteric as 'having a good time' is an incredible feat & a powerful way to create & protect value for yourself & others, I relished reading this, thank you.
I really resonate with what you've written. I like the fact that rather than telling us all about what you did NOT like about the Swedish festival, you've skilfully expressed yourself in terms of the behaviours you DO prefer. The thing that I'm pondering, though, is to what extent do the cultural norms of a society impact the kind of group behaviour you describe? I suspect it could be quite a lot, but that's not to say that there wont be huge variation between individuals even within the same society. What interests me is what can people do to move towards a more harmonious style of group interaction (if they cant make it to your camp in Vienna)? What existing groups embody this ideal? Two spring to mind. Firstly there's the Quakers, and secondly there's the community of people practising Nonviolent Communication. Can anyone suggest others?
‘Should’ is an interesting word, it doesn’t include the self.
Children are not adaptive of *should until it is habituated with stage theories, only later to seek therapy from all the shoulds of the world.
Mmm, the bullying put me off.
Ive also just left borderland so it's interesting to read from a fellow soul who was there!
I resonate with the sentiment that pleasure for its own sake seems pointless.
I found myself, after being there the second year, not really drawn to the idea of going back.
There were not enough interactions that seemed truly enriching... It's something I feel I'm always looking for at burns but somehow the social container doesn't quite allow for depth.
Wow such highlighting and explicating of dramatically unspoken social dynamics, I’m very drawn to this type of work. How do I join the micro solidarity network or learn more from you?
Love your thinking and writing